March 21,2016

So, a lot has happen since the last time I even thought about being on here but something sparked up an interest in me to start blogging. It may last, it may not haha I'm just an ordinary person. Full time mom/ home school teacher, Sunday school teacher/ W.O.W volunteer trying to make sense in this crazy world.
Since the last time I wrote, I have made amends with my dad. About 3 years ago he had gotten in trouble with the law. DUI then a domestic battery case that broke his probation which I knew would eventually lead him back into prison. I attend church, got saved, and felt the need to try to reach out. I forgave my dad a long time ago. It's what I do. A downfall of mine so it seems.. I forgive easily, people take advantage of that, but I know it is only bc God has given me that ability to do so and that there is a purpose for it.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons/daughters of God.
We started out slow, going to lunch and texting. After awhile, I let the girls meet him at the park a couple of times. I knew it would be hard on them once he had to go to jail, but I look at life as if we are not promised tomorrow. If he had to go for a couple of years, I wanted them to at least know him. What I soon found out was my dad's drinking had become constant. Waking up with it and drinking all day. He would come out to the house (not often) and be drunk. We had a party for his birthday and he was so drunk that he fell over in the kitchen while we were trying to celebrate with his cake and ice cream. I hated that he had to go, but at the time I knew it was the only thing that would get him sober. That didn't make it any easier. Seeing your dad being taken off to jail, sucks. There is no other word for it. What hurts me the most is that I see the good in him. No one else in this world seems to, but this is not the dad I had when I was little. He wasn't perfect by any means, but the devil is using his weaknesses to destroy himself and he can't even see it. 
I'm not perfect, if you know me, you are laughing. I don't claim to be. I slip, slide, and fall on my face more times than I'd like to admit, BUT I try. I get off track and God will call me out on it. I try to fit in instead of standing out and being my own person. I think i have to do things I wouldn't normally do to have people like me. In reality, the right people will like me if I just stay true to who I am, who God is wanting me to be. I believe God is calling me out on this and nudging me out of my comfort zone. Several weeks ago we started up a Bible Study at our church. We decided to do Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer and boy was I tested! It started as soon as the study did. The devil picked, prodded, and hounded me the whole time, but what God has done has been amazing! The devil hates that you know? Giving God the glory when the devil wants you to fall more than anything. Well, time came and went with my dad and things were going good. He has been home for 11 months and the only thing that was bad was the fact that he could not find work. Well, we had plans to go out and put in job apps once again. I had talked to him on Tuesday and his PO had came by to see him because he was told Susan had been seen at his house. They are not allowed contact bc of his parole stipulation. Long story, but it didn't matter that they were married. Dad was scared, Susan had told him that the PO looked at her phone and saw where they had talked to each other. Dad stayed on the phone for awhile afraid the PO was going to get a warrant and arrest him. Well, he calmed down and we hung up with plans to meet up Wednesday if it was raining and I would take him around places.I posted this to my facebook that Wednesday night.... "I've been through and been carried through a lot in my life all because I (was raised to and now know on my own that) I believe in a God that loves me, tells me I matter even though He knows all my flaws, and fail Him daily. I have been tested and tried since this study started and I just didn't know why. I've had problems with my girls, my husband, my mom, and ppl I thought were my friends. I've worked through and kept up my studying along with keeping a prayer journal. This last couple of days I've found out some things concerning my dad and instead of keeping quiet, I had to tell him his wife is cheating on him.. I love my dad, it's been a long horribly rough road for us, but the last thing I have ever wanted to do is hurt him. An anonymous person we will say called the parole board (a whole other long story) and told them my dad had contact with Susan (dads wife, which isn't allowed). They pulled her phone records and saw that they had been talking. At noon I was going to take my dad around for the 100th time to put in job apps. He wasn't there, no one knew where he was. He's not allowed to leave without permission so I knew this wasn't good. A few min later I get a text saying he is back in prison for violating parole. I'm at peace.. Does that make any sense? No, but at 7 this morning, God heard me and set my day on His path not mine. I wrote, 'Father, I pray for peace. I pray that I can dig in and stand firm. That I will feel peace within me when the storm still rages around me. I want to lean and depend on You so I can still move forward when times are tough. I do not want to be lacking in peace because that gives the devil room to work. I pray for the Peace only You can give. Amen.' I know life is hard, but stick with your studying, reading, your time with God. I am fully aware that if I had not given my time to this study and to God 1st thing this morning, I would not be as settled as I am now. Hang in there! He hears. If you do your part and obey, He will definitely let you know He's working. I believe He's just waiting on us to slow down and let Him know that we need Him, that Him dying on the cross for us matters, and that we love Him for putting us first when, unfortunately we tend to put him last....." So, this is where we are now. I believe God is going to use this though. We found out that his wife Susan is the one who turned him in. She wanted dad out of the picture and she couldn't do it like an adult. She had to be a chicken shit and have dad thrown back in jail. Another 2 years, hopefully another lesson learned... I hope.