Another day in the life of...

It's amazing how you can see the devil trying to work in your life when you learn to pay attention. Wednesday was crazy with our tire situation, Thursday Jenna woke up all stopped up because they had been outside the night before, it was raining, and we had to run to Princeton to get Easter eggs and candy. Jessica was in a lovely mood so it made the nasty weather even better. It never fails, she is going to ride her sisters butt for no reason when they are together. I'm constantly playing referee. On top of that there was still air in my brake line that Jesse didn't have time to get out the night before, so I had brakes, I just had to really work to use them. STRESS that is what the day was full of. I haven't been sleeping right lately, probably since may dad went back to jail, and I just can't seem to get a grip on things. Worrying about my dad isn't really forefront in my mind, but I know it effects my subconscious more than I think. I know that he is ok. I know that he is getting his medicine and he is not able to drink. He wasn't supposed to be drinking before, but Susan would get drunk and I'm sure he was too. With that said, I still worry about the fact that no one is promised tomorrow.

What if ( <----- that is the devils term) something happens to him in jail? What if he dies? He's on medicine, and I pray it is working as it should, but things happen. What if something happens to us? He can't just come home. He lost so much weight and looked horrible when he came home this last time. He can't afford to do that again. How am I going to get all his crap out of the apartment and where in the heck am I going to store it? These are concerns of mine, but I don't sit and dwell on them. I know like every other time, it will work out if I sit and worry about it or not. Jesse came home and was in rare form and decided that just for spite, he would stay out in the shed until 9. Just when you think things are going well, the devil reminds you that he is still very much present and working. I wonder if Jesse will ever get it and at times I think I'm a fool for still being here, but like Pearl said, 'that's when you dig in Jen.' We have so many different views on life that it is almost scary and now that I am saved I worry about his salvation more than he does. It would be different if he would give me a little sign of hope, but it hasn't happened yet. In fact it seems like he does the opposite just to prove that he can. Friday once I woke up I checked Facebook like I do every morning. Who needs a newspaper when you have Facebook, right? Well, wouldn't you know it, my 'first love' accepted my friend request... I remember sending him one 2 yrs ago when I saw that he was listed, but never give it anymore thought. I figured he wasn't ever on or ignored it. Of all times for him to be on. Right after Jesse and I had not been seeing eye to eye the night before... That's how the devil works. It seems like that is how this crazy world works. Test after test. There are times where I get so tired of trying. I try my best, feel like I am really the only one trying bc I know what is expected of me, my feelings are constantly getting in the way, and yet I see people that don't go to church or have God in their life, living free with no consequences.I know the devil leaves them alone because he has them where he wants them, but damn. What about the peace Christians talk about? Am I ever going to get there?? Probably not since I tend to beat myself up or never stand up for myself. I know God doesn't expect perfect, but if I did what I really want to do, I wouldn't end up in Heaven either!!

 Mom, Sue, Cami, Jenna, Jessica, and I went to Princeton and saw Zootopia at the movies. It was cute and I think everyone had a good time. Cami had to go back home that evening so we gave her an Easter basket and she brought the girls some candy and cupcakes!! Just what they needed :) Jesse came home around 6;30 and we hung out in the shed for awhile. It was chilly last night but supposed to be warm today, 65 I think they said. Well, I will close for now, and see what the day brings.

Note to self: The devil doesn't want you to be at your best, because he knows at your best, you are a huge threat to his plans..